THE GUIDING DWIGHT

I'm watching Lisa Ling's show THIS IS LIFE about the potential hazards of diazepines or "benzos." This includes Klopinin and Valium. They wonder if this might be the new opioid-type crisis in the making. I can share that when I was told I had GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, I did a lot of research on treatment options -- various meds, psychotherapy, yoga, chanting, exercise, alternative. I visited online discussion boards of people who were taking various treatments. It was very clear to me that a benzo like Klonopin could be addictive and that stopping cold turkey was very dangerous. A simple google search would tell you that. The drug was extremely effective for me, though I always urged my dr. to keep me on the lowest dosage possible. My recovery was not just via meds, but also through buddhist chanting, cuddle therapy, yoga, ACT therapy. I did worry about the day when I might want to go off the med. After about two years on klonopin, I asked my dr....

I once made the above pie chart after seeing a humorous pie chart on Haruki Murakami's novels.  And to be sure, many the above ingredients are clear and present in many of my books. So there is some truth there.  In the end, the "brand" of your writing appeals or doesn't appeal to a reader because of the ingredients in the cake you're baking. Some people like very sweet cakes (German Chocolate is one of my favorite). They expect the coconut, the pecans, the frosting, the simple chocolate cake layers.  Leave out an ingredient and the eater is disappointed, just as a reader who likes a certain genre is disappointed if some trademark elements are left out of the story. One reason I bring up this subject is because I'm starting to work on a new novel.  Some of the ingredients include:  sleep, slumber parties, Japanese fables about dream monsters, the purpose of insomnia.  Well one of my favorite writers is about to release a speculative novel which has s...

Tonight I went to my Buddhist meeting.  I was kind of sleepy and hadn't had a chance to eat dinner yet. To be honest, I was grumpy.  I wasn't totally looking forward to going, but I agreed to be the MC and I know that so many times I go to these meetings -- I leave feeling so much happier and glad that I went. John and I entered Amy's place.  Amy announced:  "It might just be the three of us." Some members had moved out of the area, or were working late.  John noted that he brought his flute and he could play for us later if we had time.  We decided to do our evening prayers and chant, and then decide. During our chanting, we heard some folks come through the front door.  I could see Frank and another person, who I thought was a regular.  As we were finishing our chant, I looked at the woman closer and didn't recognize her.  "Is she your guest?" I asked Frank.  Frank nodded.  So now we had ingredients for a complete meeting!...

Do you ever think about the circles of your friends? How the circles shrink and grow and morph over time? I do.  How consciously do you work to expand your those ever-important circles? So I was talking to a Luther, a male friend, about how I find myself in mid-life with mostly female friends.  I'm a gay man. Nothing wrong with any of that. They're great friends. And many of my female friends are single women in the arts -- so we have things in common.   But I used to have a larger collection of male friends. Many of them were gay. What happened?  Well, the AIDS crisis took some of those who should rightfully be living beside me today. So there's that. Some others found life partners. And of course any friendship can end with time. Someone moves away. Someone stops keeping the ball rolling on their end. Arguments happen that can't be resolved. And that special chemistry between friends can one day disappear for no reason. You are no longer necessary to e...

The above headline ran in the Independent. It inspired me to write the following Facebook post: If we don't do it now, history will judge us and ask, "What were Americans thinking when they let this monster dismantle our beautiful country.  Were they asleep at the wheel?  Did they turn away in jaded indifference?  WTF, did they do nothing to stop him?"  The other two branches -- congress and judicial -- are charged with keeping the president in check.  Do your jobs!  Demonstrations are powerful, signing online petitions is fine.  But getting rid of his unbalanced megalomaniac will take congress and judiciary and the masses working together.  Let's aim for A DAY WITHOUT TRUMP.  And work our way up to 4 years without Trump. And if nothing else, let's get that special investigation rolling to get to the bottom of Trump's ties to Russia, etc. This is a house not meant to not stand.

In my life I have had my heart stolen at least three times, each theft lasting less than six months. A lifetime lived in those six months of connection, beauty and loss. 1. Martin Z. -- I met Martin at an event for gay asians, though he was Latino. He was playing pool late that night. He was losing. We started talking and he suggested we grab midnight brunch across the street. He worked with fine metals and had tiny splinters of iron in his hands too small to be removed. He lived downtown and I lived north. One night he dared me to jump in a cab and spend the night. I did exactly that. He was surprised. The next morning, he called in late to work so he could make me pancakes. They were the best pancakes. One night it was raining and he called me from a payphone. "I'm one block away from you. Can I come over?" I said yes. He was drenched and started to take off his wet clothes. I offered him a bathrobe to which he responded, "I'm not shy." I rememb...